Last Sunday night, I watched what may go down as one of the best games in NFL history—the divisional playoff game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Buffalo Bills. Three lead changes in the last two minutes and a game-tying field goal to send the game into overtime … two incredibly gifted young quarterbacks with skills that can’t be taught playing at the top of their respective games and making amazing play after amazing play to keep their team in it … no turnovers or glaring errors that shifted momentum and can be looked back upon as catastrophic to their team’s chances. Certainly there’s always little things each side could have done differently that might have affected the outcome. But this was a well-played game where both teams executed at a high level and gave it their all. When the game was over, you felt like neither one deserved to lose.
If you watched the game, you know the Chiefs won 42-36 in overtime. The same rules that worked against them in the 2018 AFC Championship game against the New England Patriots worked in their favor against the Bills. They won the coin toss, received the kickoff to begin overtime, systematically went down the field, and scored a game-ending touchdown on a Patrick Mahomes to Travis Kelce pass.
As a die-hard Chiefs fan, I was elated—the dream of making a return trip to the Super Bowl was still alive. Certainly the players on the Chiefs’ roster let loose and celebrated. To have beaten a quality opponent—to have overcome some of the obstacles they’d encountered and come out on top—there was an incredible sense of elation and joy. After such a hard fought and emotional game between two gifted teams—one that very easily could have gone either way—the intensity of feeling that accompanied emerging triumphant is something that I’m convinced few of us can actually relate to.
But the next day I saw a video clip of what happened immediately in the wake of the Chiefs victory that touched me at a deep place and gave me a picture of what true compassion and leadership looks like. Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes, after throwing the game clinching touchdown pass, ran down the field and celebrated briefly with his teammates. Then he turned and intentionally sought out Bills quarterback Josh Allen—a young man, and Mahomes’ counterpart, who’d played an absolutely stellar game and was dealing with the emptiness that accompanies losing that was every bit as powerful and intense as the elation the Chiefs players were feeling. Allen had played an incredible game and his play was in no way responsible for the fact the Bills lost. Mahomes was looking for him—not his coach, or his spouse, or his family—like a man on a mission, sidestepping reporters, photographers, and everybody who was on the field and standing in his way. He made a beeline to Allen and, when he found him, threw his arms around him. They held their hug and exchanged some words that will probably always remain private between the two of them, and then hugged again briefly before heading off in different directions to their respective locker rooms.
I heard some commentators, when they saw this clip, commend Patrick Mahomes’ sportsmanship. The respect and admiration he had for Josh Allen after such a hard-fought game was obvious, and for him to step away from his teammates for a few brief moments and seek out Allen was the essence of decency and class. But as I was thinking about this, I thought to myself, “This was more than an act of sportsmanship and respect. This was an act of tremendous emotional intelligence.”
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to be empathetic—to, in the heat of the moment, feel what someone else feels and relate to them on that basis … to step away from what you’re feeling, truly understand the emotions and sentiments of someone else and relate to them accordingly. People with high emotional intelligence can suspend their feelings and sense the feelings of another. They are not so consumed and absorbed with what’s going on in their world that they can’t understand and enter into the world of someone else. And that is what, in that moment, Patrick Mahomes did. While he was obviously elated that his team had won a hard-fought game, he was able to put himself in the place of Josh Allen—a guy who had just played his heart out and left it all out on the field and was feeling incredibly empty because his team had come so very close. Mahomes didn’t merely think about how Allen must be feeling. He acted on what he knew Allen was feeling and, momentarily putting his own feelings aside, consoled and showed consideration for this brilliant adversary whose level of play had contributed to a game that people will be talking about for years, if not decades, to come.
And that, I believe, is one of the foundational—lower profile, but absolutely foundational—qualities of effective leaders. Leaders who instill passion and inspire are able to step out of their own world and enter into the worlds of the people around them. They are able to mentally move beyond their own frame of mind and identify with the mood and affections of others. And their ability to do this not only infuses health and a sense of well-being into their organization, but it also creates a sense of loyalty in the hearts of the people that are part of it.