Conflict. The very word causes us to tense up inside—to imagine ourselves in an emotionally charged situation where, more than likely, things are going to be said that are hard to hear … we’re going to spend precious time discussing issues only to end up stuck at an impasse … and the process is one we’ll look back upon as being neither pleasant or enjoyable.
Ministry, unfortunately, involves its share of conflict. Any enterprise that involves people is going to, by definition, involve the possibility of antagonism and irritation when personalities clash and people rub each other the wrong way. Different opinions, diverse perspectives, and opposing priorities make conflict inevitable from time to time.
But what I learned after three decades in ministry is that there’s life giving conflict and there’s life sapping conflict. There is conflict that is desirable and should be welcomed and there is conflict that is detrimental and needs skill to navigate. Not all conflict is bad—in fact, sometimes it’s the necessary byproduct of refusing to take the path of least resistance and being unwilling to go with the status quo. Leaders create motion and motion creates friction.
What’s more—the Bible provides us with relevant examples of both.
An example of life-giving conflict is found in Acts 6 when the leaders of the early church came together to deal with the issue of distribution of food to the widows. The people of Greek origin complained that their widows were being overlooked and not treated equitably. There was a disagreement and, no doubt, some hard feelings. But a solution was found and the church was able to carry out its mission more effectively as a result of working through the difficulties.
An example of life-sapping conflict is found in the Exodus story in the Old Testament where, when things got difficult, the people grumbled and complained about a variety of things. They lost sight of the past from which God had delivered them and lost sight of the vision to which He’d called them. They made it about what God should do for them rather than what He wanted to do through them.
In life-giving conflict, the core issue is the mission and how we can do it better or more effectively. In life-sapping conflict, the core issue is personal entitlement and how the other party, or the organization, is standing in the way.
One of the things I’ve learned is that every great relationship requires productive conflict in order to grow. With my wife … with my kids … with my closest friends, the relationships that are the most satisfying are the ones where we’ve been able to respectfully and successfully work through the issues and come out on the other side—where everyone brings their best thinking to the table, ideas are discussed freely without devolving into personal attacks, and everyone’s opinion is valued.
What I’ve learned, as it relates to ministry, is that if we aren’t willing to engage in productive and life-giving conflict about the mission and direction of the church, the result be a conflict averse environment where politics and gossip thrives and disagreements are almost always taken personally. If we can’t engage in healthy and spirited debate about key issues without taking it personally, the result will be an atmosphere where people grow bitter, relationships sour, and most everyone suffers.
My prayer for the local church is that it won’t be a conflict free zone. My prayer is that it will be characterized by the right kind of conflict because its leaders are emotionally mature and adult enough to deal with it.