Unbridled ego can really mess things up. It causes us to elevate ourselves at the expense of others. It locks onto others’ issues—their shortcomings and deficiencies—and keeps us from seeing or addressing our own. It stops us from apologizing when we’re wrong and seeking reconciliation in relationships that have become estranged. It causes us to resist correction—both from God and those who care about us—and allows us to justify attitudes and behavior that are not God-honoring. It causes us to deal with others harshly rather than gently. It causes us to choose truth over grace, rather than seek to balance the two, in our interactions. It is truly at the root of all manner of destructive behavior.
What does ego have to do with Christmas and what can we learn about humility from the Incarnation of Jesus? Think about this: Many of us won’t walk across the street … or pick up the phone and make a call … or take the time to write a note to apologize to someone we’ve wronged. But the God of the universe left heaven and became one of us to bring reconciliation between us and Him—even though we were the ones who created the chasm in the first place.
To be humble, says Paul, is to be like God and imitate what He did in the incarnation. Listen to what he says in his letter to the Philippians:
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:1-8).
That puts humility and ego in perspective. And Paul seems to be making a couple of points in these words: (1) It is our pride and ego that keeps us from humility, and (2) it is humility that most mirrors and reflects the nature and heart of God. Jesus himself said in Matthew 11:29, "I am gentle and humble of heart." But over the years I’ve met a lot of people who profess to be followers of His to whom those two adjectives would not apply. Humility and gentleness are not cornerstones of how the interact with, and relate to, others.
Here’s the fundamental issue with pride and ego—it puts me before them. It causes me to disregard and dismiss the needs and concerns of others—particularly those I consider to be different from me or “less than”. It makes me much more likely to brush aside or snub others’ concerns and minimize or trivialize their issues. It causes me to fixate and focus on myself and diminish the circumstances and life issues of others. Ego and pride essentially sets me apart and causes me to disengage from others while humility compels me to initiate connection and seek to engage with them. Ego and pride creates distance and/or builds a wall while humility seeks to span the divide.
Christmas—the incarnation—is all about God putting aside His prerogatives as creator so He could assist and come to the rescue of those He created. It is about Him spanning the interminable distance between heaven and earth and coming to us as one of us. And when you think about it in this light, it is the consummate and ultimate act of humility.
I recently heard a story about a man who bought his wife a precious piece of jewelry for Christmas. However, in order to have some fun, he wrapped the gift in a series of boxes, each smaller than the previous one, to where she had to open six or seven boxes until she eventually got to the one that contained her gift. While that’s a creative and rather labor-intensive way to give a gift, it struck me that it’s comparatively easy to put something small in a series of bigger boxes than it is to put something as immense and big as God into a package as miniature and small as a baby. But He did it—He put something as enormous and extensive as His own nature in a package as delicate and vulnerable as a baby. And humility was His primary rationale.
The Advent and Christmas season invites us to think deeply about the posture of our own hearts and our willingness to live lives of humility. For it is humility that allows us to minister as Jesus did. It is humility that enables us to enter into the humanity of others. It is humility that enables our lives to be compelling and have influence. But pride and ego kills all of that.