Shalom is a word many of us have heard over the years … a word that is hard to translate or convey in English. It carries the idea of “completeness” or “peace” or “health” or “prosperity.” It is the word that conveys the idea of what community is ultimately supposed to be … what’s supposed to be the outcome of our interactions and relationships when they function the way they’re supposed to.
It reminds me of something I once heard about Mother Teresa. When asked how she could give of herself so consistently and conscientiously to the urban poor of India, she said that when she looked at the people she served, she saw Jesus in a distressing disguise. In many ways, that’s the heart of authentic community—being Jesus to others and seeing Jesus in others. If you’re married, you interact with your spouse as if unto Him. If you’re a child, you obey your parents as if unto Him. If you’re an employee, you work as if working for Him. And the reverse is true: you’re parenting as if you’re parenting for Him; you’re leading others as if you’re leading for Him.
As I play this out in my mind, it seems to me shalom is built on grace—in fact, grace is at the heart of any successful relationship. If we’re going to relate to others as if they were Jesus, we must express and demonstrate grace. If we’re going to navigate the periodic frustration and disappointment that comes with being relationally connected to other people long term and encountering their shortcomings and brokenness, we’ve got to be conveyors of grace.
But here’s the pitfall: Most of us are much better at, and open to, receiving grace than we are at dispensing it. We live as if we have an EXIT sign over our relationships. If things don’t go as we’d like or become too hard, we can bail. And as long as that’s the case, we won’t do the work necessary to experience shalom. The secret of the best relationships is that they’ve taken down the exit signs and are willing to do whatever it takes for the relationship to flourish.
Recently a pastor friend and his wife brought home a couple of foster children. It was exceptionally tough at first, as these kids came from a very troubled and unstable background. During the first few weeks, he said he and his wife said things like “that’s not how we behave in this family” or “we expect you to show respect” or “you don’t have to scream or fight to get what you want” many times every day. But in time, the kids began to change. But the change only happened because the adults dispensed and disbursed grace in abundance.
For many of us, the community to which the Bible calls us demands new behavior. Like foster kids that are part of a new family, we need to relearn some of the ways we behave. But I’m convinced part of the work of the Holy Spirit is to say to us, “No, that’s not how we act in this family.” And when we act in accordance with His directives and longings, we can begin to create a measure of shalom.