As a pastor I always felt like I should learn from other pastors and churches. I should manifest a humble enough spirit to where, if they were adopting some innovative approach or on the cutting edge of some method or technique that was resulting in them experiencing a measure of success, I should seek to understand the principle that’s driving it and give some consideration to applying it in my situation.
At the same time, it’s not a very long step from having that kind of approach to getting caught up in the comparison game. If we’re not careful, what can start out as seeking to learn by identifying best practices from a dynamic church in an ever-changing ministry context can devolve into a preoccupation with another congregation’s advance and progress that creates jealousy and resentment. And it’s toxic! When pastors and people in churches get snagged by the comparison bug, it leads them in a deadly direction and toward an unwanted destination.
Why? Here are a few of the undesirable outcomes that result from a fanatical proneness to compare.
(1) Comparison fosters dissatisfaction. When a desire to learn and grow crosses over and devolves into a preoccupation with comparison, the result is typically a spirit of frustration and dissatisfaction. When develop the “greener grass syndrome” … the belief that things are better elsewhere. And while things may in fact be better somewhere else, when that message repeatedly swirls and circulates in our thinking, we can’t help but feel annoyed and dissatisfied with our current situation and surroundings.
(2) Comparison creates unhealthy expectations. In my Doctor of Ministry program, I learned about a guy named Fred Fielder—an organizational psychologist who studied the personality and characteristics of leaders during the mid 20th century. He came to an interesting conclusion—that there’s no “best” or “preferred” or “most effective” style of leadership but, rather, leadership effectiveness is largely based upon what he called “situational favorableness.” In other words, what works in one setting may not work in another because of factors embedded within that context that are outside the leader’s control. However, if we don’t acknowledge that reality—if we just look at the surface and don’t pause long enough to engage in any personal or organizational self-reflection—it can lead to the establishment of expectations that are unrealistic and impossible. People prone to compare are typically not open or willing to engage in any manner of self-reflection. They find reasons for why such-and-such isn’t the case here by looking around to assess blame rather than by looking within to identify potential shortcomings.
(3) Comparison tends to create congregants who are consumers rather than servers. One of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that those who spend a majority of their time looking elsewhere and getting caught up in comparisons are typically not those who are rolling up their sleeves and helping make their current situation better. In fact, that may be a primary difference between those who look at other organizations to learn and grow and those who eventually submit to a spirit of comparison. Learners and growers are those who are rolling up their sleeves and involved in the trenches, while those who acquiesce to a spirit of comparison are typically sitting on the sidelines. When you’re truly invested where you are, you don’t have enough idle time at your disposal to criticize and/or assess blame in ways that wound or injure others.
(4) Comparison promotes a culture of criticism. Where dissatisfaction reigns, criticism is bound to follow. Granted—we can all benefit from constructive criticism … where we evaluate current reality and say, “We need to shore this up” or “We can improve here” or “We need to allocate more resources towards this objective.” But that’s a far cry from having a critical spirit—an attitude that is almost obsessive in its ability to find fault and results in others feeling discouraged and beaten down rather than challenged to grow and become their best selves. People who possess a critical spirit lack empathy. They’re more concerned about being “right” than they are about the quality or nature of their relationship with the other person. I sometimes think the primary reason the Church of Jesus Christ has acquired a reputation for being smug and judgmental is because of the many people who’ve turned something that was meant to be a dynamic movement characterized by engaged participants into a spectator sport largely guided by passive observers.
Comparison is a very easy trap to fall into. But at the end of the day, it leads us in a direction and towards a destination that cripples our missional effectiveness, sabotages our witness, and leaves a number of wounded warriors in its wake. We need to make sure our legitimate efforts to learn and grow from colleagues and partners in ministry doesn’t cross over and become a preoccupation with comparison that deposits the residue of destruction and carnage in the lives of conscientious and faithful fellow servants.