Every pastor battles insecurity at some level … simply because every human being battles it. It’s part of the package of being human. But it seems like the nature of ministry makes insecurity a particular problem for pastors. Perhaps the fact it’s a very public profession where we’re constantly being evaluated by others contributes to the situation. Perhaps the fact we have to report our key statistics, whether they be good or bad, every year to the denomination exacerbates the problem. Perhaps the fact many congregants are looking for us to convey strength and stability to where we feel like we can’t be real about our struggles makes us feel we have nowhere to go with our feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt and causes us to send them underground. Whatever the source, feelings of insecurity can creep into our hearts.
We all have moments where we second guess ourselves or think we’re incompetent and inept. But at the same time, if insecurity is allowed to run amok in our lives—if it becomes deeply embedded in our psyche—it can do deep and lasting damage … to us as well as the organization we’re a part of. My guess is more relationships have been sabotaged, and more ministry teams have been torn apart, by pastoral insecurity than virtually anything else. Insecurity causes all kinds of problems. It can make us mean … hostile … combative … perpetually disappointed … upset at people for no reason … insufferable when we don’t get our way … and difficult to get along with. According to surveys, members of the clergy suffer from obesity, hypertension, and depression at rates higher than the general public. The use of antidepressants has increased dramatically and the life expectancy of long-term pastors is lower than that of the general public. I’m convinced this is the part of the reason God-called young people want to serve the Lord but aren’t particularly keen on doing so through the local church. They’ve seen what a lifetime of service has done to many pastors and the insecurity that plagues our hearts.
Because insecurity is an unseemly monster, we try to mask and conceal it. Some take the tack of being appeasing and ultra-conciliatory while others assume an overly confident, bullying persona. But no matter how determined our attempts to disguise it we can’t hide it. Insecurity leaks out of our being like water from a faucet with a worn-out gasket.
Let me share some traits I’ve observed over my course of years in ministry that have led me to believe that a person, in spite of how gifted they might be or competent they might appear, is dealing with insecurity.
1. They are excessively defensive when challenged. When people try to correct them, they are quick to offer excuses. And the reaction you get is typically harsh—much more severe and sharp than is warranted. Because they are protective of both their position and performance, your question is perceived as a denunciation of their position and/or authority, so their response tries to validate and/or justify that standing. As a general rule, insecure people are into “positional leadership”—i.e., they believe folks should follow them because they hold a certain position or title and not because they’ve done anything to cultivate influence. It’s a bad approach because, in a largely volunteer organization, people don’t follow because they have to but because they want to—it’s not like the military where you can elicit compliance because you outrank someone. To rely on positional leadership is to sow seeds of discontent and dissatisfaction in the hearts of the people you’re leading.
2. They are protective and controlling of information. Insecure people keep a safe distance from people, and their transparency is limited to what can be discovered by observation. When personal information is revealed, it’s always shared in the most positive light … for they only want you to believe, and know, the best about them. It is difficult and distressing to get them to admit they were wrong—you won’t hear an insecure person readily say, “You know, I blew it!” They are also very controlling of information—everything is supposed to “go through them first” before it is disseminated publicly. They frequently come off as unteachable know-it-alls who have to have the last word.
3. They develop followers and not leaders. One of the clearest windows into a person’s security, or lack thereof, is in how he/she develops a team. Secure people want to surround themselves with folks who are more gifted and better than they are. Insecure people tend to surround themselves with folks to where they can always be the most talented and knowledgeable person in the room—people that are needy and/or clingy … who can provide constant reassurance and validation. They have “yes” people around them and hand out responsibilities only to those they believe will never question their authority. When a secure person leaves, typically there is someone waiting in the wings who, with a little bit of time and experience, can step in and fill the gap. But when an insecure person leaves, there’s a void because no one has been developed or raised up.
4. They struggle to handle delicate situations. Because they fear not being liked, they tend to ignore the most difficult and/or awkward situations. And one of their most prevalent coping mechanisms is to make a joke out of things. Because they don’t want to handle the hard stuff but do want to be liked, they use humor to divert attention away from the issues they don’t want to face … as people’s laughter gives them a false sense of being liked. Years ago, a good pastor friend confided in me about his DS and how he frequently made a joke out of things. Over time (and with other signals he picked up on) he came to see this as an expression of deep insecurity in his life.
5. They have a hypersensitivity to personal appearance because they typically position themselves out front. Insecure persons tend to assume assignments that will provide attention and position them to receive accolades. And because they are drawn to the spotlight, they are often overly conscious about how they look. For the most part, they are never far from a mirror as they want to be perceived as “stylish” or “hip” or “cool.” Or—another approach—is they strive to be regarded as “cutting edge” or “trendy” by the gadgets they carry. Granted—not everyone who is fastidious about their personal appearance, or who is into having the newest/latest/sometimes gimmicky gadget, is dealing with insecurity. But it is often a clue.
All of us have moments of insecurity—times when we’re overwhelmed by the enormity of the task or the weight of the responsibility. But if we truly want to be effective, we must learn to diagnose and recognize it for what it is. And we must also increasingly find our identity, and a sense of wholeness, in the One who values us … gave His Son up for us … and prizes us regardless of how anyone else views or regards us.