For over two decades, I had the privilege of serving in a church that had the resources to hire multiple staff. When the staff clicked and we got along, it was a wonderfully enjoyable thing. But when we didn’t, it was incredibly draining and emotionally exhausting.
The good news is my experience was much more of the former than the latter. With a couple of minor exceptions, I today enjoy a very warm and cordial relationship with each of my former staff members. When we exchange emails … or talk on the phone … or our paths cross and we enjoy a meal together, the interaction is a very warm and relaxed one. But as a result of working with a number of different people over the years—different backgrounds, different personalities, different interests, different ages and stages in life—I observed some signs that are indicative of a healthy staff relationship. While this is in no way an exhaustive or comprehensive list, I picked up on some threads of commonality that tended to be there and let me know we were truly a team that was functioning in a healthy fashion.
(1) We spent time together outside the office. For the most part, those with whom I served didn’t have immediate family nearby. As a result, we developed something of a family dynamic. That’s not to say we became an ingrown group or exclusive clique, but we occasionally shared a meal or got together socially and enjoyed each other’s company. Even though we didn’t always have similar interests or shared pastimes, we found common ground and connected in settings where the church and/or ministry wasn’t part of the agenda.
(2) We laughed together—i.e., we didn’t take ourselves so seriously to where we couldn’t recognize, and have fun with, our shortcomings. While it was never mean-spirited or ugly, some good-natured ribbing went on. So much of ministry is pressure-packed—coming alongside people during a distressing life circumstance or when they’re dealing with a sense of loss and pain. The staff team became a kind of pressure relief valve where we could decompress and find the humor in the difficulties of life.
(3) We publicly supported each other. When you’re in multiple staff ministry, you’re in a larger congregation … and the larger the congregation, the more likely you’ll do something that will frustrate or upset a parishioner. As the leader, I sought to support my staff—overt support in public and corrective conversations in private. However, I knew we were healthy when I saw staff members supporting each other publicly. On those occasions when a staff member didn’t have the back of their fellow team member, I always thought it said more about that person than it did their colleague.
(4) We helped each other succeed … whether it be volunteering in their ministry as we were able or giving them the benefit of our best thinking when they found themselves stuck. A healthy staff realized the success of another ministry contributed to the success of the church as a whole, so they did what they could to contribute to the success of their colleagues. Closely related to that …
(5) We didn’t see our ministries as silos. While each staff member had a primary area of church life he/she was responsible for, it was always a good sign when they would adjust/accommodate their plans so another ministry could thrive. In a lot of churches, various ministries implement their programming in isolation and view each other as “competition”—they compete for building space … for the preferred time on the calendar … for key volunteers. When the staff is healthy, the competition is minimal and there’s a willingness within the team to shift, flex, bend, and adjust their plans so other ministries can succeed.
(6) We worked through our differences in a healthy way. I believe conflict is productive when it’s handled in a healthy manner. But when team members pout … or withdraw … or spew in anger … or resort to personal attacks and name calling, the result is something that’s debilitating and emotionally exhausting. There’s a drain in energy, as people feel like they have to walk on eggshells around so-and-so. But when conflict is handled productively, the result on the other side is often not just innovation and increased engagement, but a greater sense of interpersonal confidence and trust.
(7) We prayed for each other. While it can be risky (and often unwise) to let the congregation at large know the personal issues we were dealing with, a healthy staff became a safe place where we could acknowledge our humanness—that a relationship with a key ministry leader had deteriorated and needed some healing … or we were sensing some unsettledness and questioning whether God was in the process of releasing us from our calling to this place. In a healthy staff setting, there was a freedom to be transparent and know that the others on the team didn’t judge us. And we also had confidence that what was shared in that setting remained there … that the only other person we talked to about what had been divulged was the Lord.
As I said earlier, when the staff was functioning in a healthy manner, it made ministry a tremendous joy and delight. But when there was some unease or tension on the team—and it typically took just one colleague to be misaligned to where everyone else would feel it—the result was emotional fatigue that took a great deal of the joy out of serving. The good news is each of the above-listed issues are fixable—provided the leader is committed to modeling these things (after all, part of what it means to be the leader is that you have to go first) and provided each of the staff members are teachable.